


i have only two emotions (careful fear and dead devotion)

by CallicoKitten



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 2016 aka the year CK lost their mind and picked up ALL the trash ships, Angst, Awesome Facial Hair Bros, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Infinity Gems, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 10:50:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8575471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallicoKitten/pseuds/CallicoKitten
Summary: It’s kind of like this: every now and again Tony gets drunk and sleeps with Stephen Strange. It’s not a big deal, Strange does it just as often to him. At least Tony knocks rather than just opening a stupid magic portal into Tony’s bedroom. Even Vision knows how to use a door by now. Not that Vision is stumbling into Tony’s bed at fucking three a.m. because he’s had a bad day.Now that would be a big deal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> remember when i was like "lol i dont even really ship this" well guess what friends
> 
> takes place in a hypothetical infinity war scenario, sequel to [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8489860) and [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8539984)
> 
> title is from the national's dont swallow the cap (lol geddit?)
> 
> hey, also i know i don't reply to comments unless it's a direct can i translate this etc, question but seriously, i hope you know that they get me through the day so thank you guys so, so much

It’s kind of like this: every now and again Tony gets drunk and sleeps with Stephen Strange. It’s not a big deal, Strange does it just as often to him. At least Tony _ knocks _ rather than just opening a stupid magic portal into Tony’s bedroom. Even Vision knows how to use a door by now. Not that Vision is stumbling into Tony’s bed at fucking three a.m. because he’s had a bad day. 

Now _ that  _ would be a big deal. 

\---

So Thanos happens. 

It’s kind of a shit show. Thor’s warned them all that  _ someone  _ is coming for the infinity stones he’s been frustratingly vague about it and Tony’s honestly not sure whether it’s because he genuinely doesn’t know or because he thinks he’s protecting them. (He’s pretty sure Stephen knows more than he’s letting on as well, if not Stephen then Wong. Tony’s pretty sure Wong knows things like the cure for cancer and the alchemic formula for transmuting gold but he’ll keep them both away from humanity for the _ greater good _ . Or something.) 

A week before Thanos hits Earth, Thor shows up with what is probably the most dysfunctional team in the universe and the news that Thanos has managed to get his big purple hands on the Power Gem and the Reality Gem which is bad, Tony guesses, and really, that’s all he needs to know. A Bad Person is doing Bad Things and they need to stop him. Fine, great. Tony can do that. If only to get Peter Quill out of his hair because honestly, the guy is a  _ nightmare _ and has, for whatever reason, prioritised catching up with pop culture over the impending doom of the world.

(Things like:  _ Holy shit! David Bowie died?  _ And:  _ It holds  _ **_how many_ ** _ songs!?  _ And:  _ You can fit an entire movie on  _ **_this_ ** ? Tony doesn’t introduce him to Netflix. He’s pretty sure the guy would never leave if he did.)

So it’s him and Thor and Nat and Rhodey and T’Challa and Stephen ( _ no, Peter, you can’t come we need you as back up,  _ Tony says even though he knows Peter’s not going to listen.) Rhodey’s grounded, he’ll run comms and coordinate evacuations and it’s Hope Pym they send out to round up Cap and his Merry Men with Stephen’s help (and if they’d moved sooner, if they’d all been in one spot and Tony hadn’t been such a selfish ass they probably would have been okay but as it is - )

Thanos is big. Even with Thor’s warning and Peter’s hot green girlfriend’s insights, they’re outgunned. Thanos doesn’t have many backers but he doesn’t need them, not really. 

By the time Thanos falls, Tony’s lost track of everyone in the dust and explosions. He saw Cap fall, saw Thanos raise his gauntlet and heard Cap’s shield crack and well - Cap didn’t get back up. Tony’s doesn’t remember where he fell ten minutes later, his suit sputtering, dented from debris and Thanos, his head spinning but he sees Stephen fall - Stephen who’s their trump card, who Tony knows will tear the fabric of the universe apart to save Earth - and Thanos falls to the sound of Hulk’s roars and Thor’s lightning and Wanda’s blood-red glow. 

Tony makes a split second decision and goes for Stephen, landing a few feet away from Stephen’s still form. He pops his visor up. Stephen’s breathing, he thinks. He hopes. Because if he isn’t - 

He drops to his knees when he’s close enough and  _ fuck,  _ Stephen’s breathing. His chest is rising and falling and the green glow from the amulet he’s wearing has dimmed.

“Strange,” Tony says and then, when that gets no response he nudges him and tries again, louder. “STRANGE.”

Stephen jerks and his eyes fly open, hazy and blue. He’s confused for a few moments then he turns his head towards Tony. “Did we - “

“We won, Strange,” he says, reaching out to pat Stephen’s arm. “You can pass out again.”

Stephen sighs, “Good.” His eyes slide shut.

“Not for nothing, Strange, but you’re kind of stealing my thunder here,” Tony says.

Stephen cracks open an eye, “How so?” 

“It’s usually my job to crash and burn and wake up with someone pretty leaning over me.”

Stephen smiles, weakly, throws an arm across his eyes to block out the sun. “If you’re  _ that  _ desperate to get knocked out I’m sure I can oblige. Just not… Not right now.”

Tony pats him on the shoulder and sits back on his heels. As the dust clears he can hear the sirens start up. They’ve wrecked New York again. He should look into moving, or something. Hell, they’ll probably pass a law banning superheroes from living here or something. Maybe they can set up shop in a flyover state or the Alaskan wilderness or something. Where it’s quiet. Maybe less people would want to fight him if it meant going to Alaska or somewhere. 

He watches Stephen’s chest rise and fall. He should probably go and look for the others but he’s so damn tired. 

After a few minutes he spots Nat coming out of the smoke towards them. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He’d lost track of her during the battle, her and Clint and everyone, really. 

“You boys okay?” she calls. She’s got a nasty cut on her forehead and she’s limping, one hand pressed to her side. She puts a hand on Tony’s shoulder when she reaches him, Tony raises a hand and grasps her wrist tightly. 

“We’re good Romanov,” he says as Stephen gives a thumbs up from the ground. “How’s everyone else?”

She grimaces, “Clint and Wanda are okay, that idiot with the spaceship is fine, I think, I haven’t seen Banner or Thor. Vision’s getting Cap to a hospital.”

Tony closes his eyes. “How’d he look?”

“Not good,” Nat says quietly. “Sam and Barnes went with him.”

There’s a lot Tony wants to say, a lot he  _ should  _ say but Nat stops him, “You should get him out of here,” she says, nodding to Strange. 

“I should help with the clean up,” Tony says. 

Nat shakes her head, “That’s not our job, Tony. I’ll keep you updated.”

“You’re hurt.”

She nods, “Don’t worry, Barton’s already given me an earful. I just had to make sure you hadn’t been blown up or crushed by a building or something.”

“Awh, I didn’t know you cared,” Tony says, squeezing her arm.

Nat sighs, “Well, who else is going to pay my salary?” But she squeezes his shoulder back. 

\---

“Sorry,” Stephen mumbles, as Tony half supports, half carries him through to the bedroom in the Sanctum. His cloak unclasps itself as they go, hovering worriedly by the bed.

“Sorry for what, Strange? You did good out there, we couldn’t have taken Thanos without you.” He helps Stephen to the bed, lets him fall onto it more than anything and after a brief moment where he thinks he should probably go back out there, no matter what Nat said, but he doesn’t. He steps out of his suit and falls forwards, sprawling out next to Stephen. 

It feels so  _ good  _ to be lying down. 

FRIDAY bleeps in his ear, “Colonel Rhodes is calling for you, sir?”

“Put him through,” Tony says. “Good evening, Rhodey, did you notice the giant purple cadaver in the middle of New York City?”

“I did, thanks,” he says, sounding relieved. “Nat says you and Strange are okay?”

“We’re fine, you heard from anyone?”

Rhodey’s still grounded, at the training compound. “Thor’s turned up here, Barton and Wanda too. And Ant-Man.” He says this last part in a manner that says  _ Ant-Man, Tony? What the hell?  _ Which. It’s really not Tony’s fault, he swears. “Hope Pym’s here too.”

“Don’t let her hear you call her that,” Tony warns. “She goes by Van Dyne.”

“I feel like that’s not anyone’s main concern right now,” Rhodey says, after a beat. 

Probably.

“You heard anything about Cap?” Tony asks.

“No,” Rhodey says, quietly. “Last I heard it didn’t look good.”

Tony closes his eyes. He sees Cap hit the ground. Sees Thanos raising his fist, a burst of light as it meets Cap’s shield, a deafening boom. That’s when Tony lost track of everyone. 

“I’ll let you know if I hear anything,” Rhodey says. “But you’re okay, right? For real?”

“I’m fine,” Tony says.

“Alright, stay safe, okay?”

“Yeah.” 

The line cuts off and Tony huffs.

“Know anything?” Stephen asks, faintly.

“No,” Tony mutters. He sighs and rolls over, staring up at Stephen’s ceiling. “Your mattress sucks, by the way.”

“You’ve never complained before,” he mumbles. Tony looks over at him, he’s half asleep, eyes closed. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever slept here sober,” he says. Stephen hums. Tony waits until he’s asleep to call Nat. “Have you heard anything?” he opens with.

Nat’s voice is tight, “He’s in surgery,” is all she says. 

Tony starts to sit up, “I should be there.”

“No, Tony,” she starts, stops, takes a breath. “Stay put, okay? Sam and Barnes are losing it enough as it is.”

Tony falls silent. He feels helpless. Useless.

“T’Challa and your twelve year old are helping with the clean up,” Nat goes on.

“He’s seventeen, you know that. He invited you to his birthday party.”

He thinks Nat smiles at that. “I’ll stay in touch,” she says. “Ross wants us to lay low until he can figure out what the official story is here.” She hangs up. Tony’s considering phoning Pepper when Stephen’s cloak thwaps him over the head. “ _ Jesus _ . What?”

It waves in the direction of Stephen and for a moment, Tony panics. Maybe Stephen’s stopped breathing, maybe he’s more injured than Tony first though but he looks okay, he’s not too pale, his breathing is steady so - He narrows his eyes at the Cloak. “Are you telling me to be quiet so he can sleep?”

The Cloak waves once which Tony assumes is it’s equivalent of a nod. Tony sighs and flops back down onto the bed. 

\---

He wakes up with a start, the sound Cap made when he hit the ground echoing in his ears. Stephen’s rolled towards him in his sleep, not touching but close and for a moment, Tony thinks it’s that that woke him up then he rolls over to find Wong starring at him. 

“ _ Holy _ \-  We have _ got  _ to stop meeting like this,” Tony says, trying to steady his breathing.

Wong raises an eyebrow. He speaks to Tony mostly through his eyebrows. It’s slightly unnerving. “Is he okay?” Wong asks, of Stephen. 

“Yeah,” Tony rubs his eyes. “He’s fine.”

Wong nods. He looks tired, “Good. That’s good.” He opens a portal and Tony frowns, “Wait, that’s it?”

“I have a lot more to do, Stark,” he says, as he steps through. Now that he’s up though he figures he may as well call Nat. It almost rings out but she picks up at the last minute, “Nat?”

“It’s Sam.” His tone is clipped. “Nat passed out.”

Tony forgoes the pleasantries. Sam doesn’t like him at the best of times. “How’s Rogers?” 

Sam sighs, “They had to take him back in. He’s not healing. I - It’s really not looking good.”

And Tony just - 

Steve hitting the ground. Thanos raising his gauntlet.

Sam says something further and hangs up. Tony’s picturing Steve’s cold, still body. If he hadn’t - They could have been working together from the start if he hadn’t been such a stubborn ass and if Steve dies - if Steve  _ dies -  _

“Stark,” Stephen says, his voice sleep-rough. 

“I need a minute,” Tony says. His chest is tight. His limbs feel shaky. He should have done more - He should have got Steve to a hospital sooner - He should have - 

He feels Stephen shift on the bed behind him, sitting up. “Is Captain Rogers alright?”

“Still in surgery,” Tony manages. 

“Is there anything I can do?”

Tony laughs rawly. He wants Stephen to fix it, once Stephen probably could if he hadn’t wrecked his damn hands (and yeah, Tony gets that Stephen’s area of expertise wasn’t Infinity-Stone-related injuries or super soldier healing rates and he has no idea what’s wrong with Steve but it’s easier to pretend that if Stephen could have kept his eyes on the fucking road he could fix it. If Stephen was still a doctor he could fix it.) His eyes are stinging.

“Well, you’re dead on your feet and your hands don’t work, so,” he snaps and he’ll regret it in the morning, kind of regrets it now because there’s a sharp intake of breath from behind him.

“Stark - “ Stephen starts but Tony cuts him off.

“Just give me a goddamned minute, Strange!  _ Jesus _ .” Bruce taught him all these techniques to keep his anxiety down but right now, Tony can’t remember any of them. 

“Tony,” Stephen says, quietly. 

He’s not good with emotion, neither of them are. Nat finds it hilarious that whatever it is they have is semi-stable and weirdly good for them both and it’s not - Tony’s not talked about Stephen with anyone, he hasn’t really decided if there’s anything _ to t _ alk about but he’s not hidden it. He has a bad day, he goes to Stephen’s, he comes back in a less shitty mood and it’s fine, they’re all adults, they don’t need to talk about shit if they don’t want to and a hundred years ago Pepper had laughed and told him that the problem is that Tony didn’t  _ talk _ talk but, whatever, emotional growth is overrated. 

He kisses Stephen so he doesn’t have to talk. It’s less kiss and more angry biting, more Tony shoving Stephen backwards and climbing on top of him. He’s careful with Stephen’s hands even if Stephen isn’t. Stephen forgets sometimes when he’s distracted, raises his hands to ball in Tony’s shirt and before he winces and remembers. “Are you sure you don’t want to - “ he hisses, against Tony’s lips.

_ Talk. _ He’s going to say talk and no, Tony doesn’t want to talk, Tony doesn’t want to think, he bites down on Stephen’s lower lip and Stephen’s breath hitches. This has never been about anything more that  _ want _ and  _ need  _ and Tony doesn’t want that to change, can’t handle that if it changes. 

\---

Tony wakes up sprawled across Stephen’s chest and there’s a moment before Tony’s body starts aching the he forgets Thanos and Cap.

He sits up and Stephen mumbles something, shifting on the sheets. He used to sleep less soundly, Tony knows, used to wake Tony up by twitching and chanting  _ Dormammu, I have come to bargain  _ over and over and over (and Tony supposes he gave as good as he got. There’ll be new nightmares now for both of them.

He calls Nat. She picks up sounding world-weary and rough, “He’s out of surgery,” she says. “They think he’ll pull through.”

Tony shuts his eyes.  _ Thank god. _

“Stark,” Nat says, “You still there?”

“I’m here,” Tony answers.

Stephen must have woken up because Tony feels a hand on his shoulder, a feather light touch holding him steady. 

“Good. Ross wants us to report in at some point. I’m thinking tomorrow, though. We  _ did  _ just take down whatever the hell that was.”

Tony smiles, “You’re my kind of gal, Romanov.”

"How's Strange?"

"He's fine," Tony says, "He's good. We're good."

"Good. You boys play nice, now, you hear?"

And despite it all Tony laughs, "Yes, M'am."

Nat hangs up and there's sunlight pouring through Stephen's windows. He turns, Stephen's watching him, propped up on his pillows. "There's a  _we_ now?" He asks. It's quiet, tentative and Tony's words stick to back of his throat. This is an opportunity and he thinks Stephen knows that too. He could say yes, could shrug it off and say  _let's be real, Strange, there's been a **we** for quite a while now_ and he thinks Stephen would smile, laugh (and Stephen's laugh is low and rich and  _warm_ and Tony remembers the first time he heard Stephen laugh for real, after Mordo which is something Tony doesn't like to dwell on.)

But the thing is, Tony's always been great at this. This post-calamity ease, this renewed sense of vigour and ideas about what's important. He and Pepper were always at their best post-disaster. Post-Hammer, post-New York, post-Killian. 

It never lasted though and Strange - Strange doesn't do well with emotion. 

Strange does well with biting kisses and whiskey-breath and desperation, with deflections and sighed _I hate yous_ and Tony does too. It works when they're pretending it doesn't mean anything. 

So Tony says: "Well, there are two of us here, Strange. I think by any dictionary definition that qualifies as a 'we'." 

Stephen smiles anyway. 

**Author's Note:**

> i really thought about killing cap but im like, not a monster


End file.
